Rally DogShe always looked as if she had just put fresh eyeliner on her golden eyes.A special Rally DogNothing bothered her and she loved wandering around the yard.Vickie's Camera 044She was always a very happy dog with a most beautiful coat.

Vickie's Camera 013In her prime she would stand guard at the top of the stairs.

MamaCatShe was happy to share her rug with a pregnant Little Mama cat.

IMG_0053And equally happy to share her carpet with Pookie, an older lady cat.

photo 100Monkey cat loved her,

photo 102And loved to rub on her

photo 103As they strolled around the farm

photo 104I think he felt he needed to keep an eye on her

photo 105to be sure she didn’t get into a paddock by mistake.

RallySince her coat was so thick and long I had to clip it for the summer.

Vickie's Camera 013 (2)But it came in handy when we lived in Canada.

Time Sneaks Up On Us All

Over the past several weeks (months really) I have watched my beloved friend deteriorate to the point where she tripped over doorsills, could not stand without trembling and shaking, and paced in pain and discomfort through the night. Finally, through my dense brain and the belief that I could ‘fix’ whatever was wrong with her, came the realization that she was not going to get better.

So….how do you say good-bye to a devoted friend that trusts you implicitly, never complains, would follow you to the ends of the earth as long as she was able to stand and breathe? How do you decide to end a life? How do you know when it’s time? Is it better to end the life while dignity remains…before incapacitation reaches a point that is embarrassing for the animal?

I hope I have made the right decision.

I hope my Rally Dog is in a good place, enjoying playtime before agility class, riding in a car with her head out the window, eating her own special cup of vanilla ice cream from a cardboard cup, chasing the end of a lead shank, bounding after a flock of turkeys that have had the dumb luck to infringe on her yard, coursing through the woods and looking forward to cookies at the split in the trail, sleeping curled up with Pookie, eating chicken and bouncing along through the tall grass with her ears flopping, dragging her favorite fuzzy toy around and making it squeak, running across a yard covered in 6″ of fresh snow and dipping her head for a mouthful every few steps just because she can, sitting on the porch fulfilling her duty by keeping an eye on the front yard–protecting us from invading squirrels.

I will always remember these things about her. And I’ll remember how she was always happy and ran around with her tongue hanging out of one side of her mouth. I can close my eyes and picture her bouncing around in excitement when I buckled the treat bag on and she knew we were going to agility class. I can feel her nose poking me right in the back of my knee at the most perfectly unexpected time.

She was the most considerate dog.

She shared her food with kittens and cats, let the older cat move into her warm spot in winter, and never got into the cookie bag even when it sat on the porch beside her food bowl.

In spite of blindness and deafness that encroached upon her senses until she traveled in a dark and silent world, she never once threatened to bite any person who surprised her with a touch either when she was awake or sound asleep, whether they were total strangers or well-known friends.

She was always gentle with children, kittens and puppies, and she often settled more aggressive dogs at agility class.

Those are memories I will hold close in my heart of a soul that was always there for me through the worst devastation of my life and through some of the happiest times of my life. A steady light that kept me going when I wanted to stop, comforted me when I felt more alone than I could handle, and looked after me without judgement or expectation and with eyes filled with trust and faith that I would always do the right thing.

Goodbye Rally Dog.

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Thank You!

May 13, 2013

ThankYou2

Thank You!

Alone I sit, as in a dream,
gazing blankly at my screen.

Stray thoughts drift along the side;
something profound lurks inside.

Inspiration needs a lift,
thoughts flutter past, I need a gift.

Out the window my eyes gaze;
a peaceful scene, a sunny day,

Horses gambol in the field
while I wait for thoughts to build.

Then thoughts of love, like gentle pearls
drop down on me and all my worlds,

words filled with encouragement–
through keen comments, awards sent.

This friends and readers far and near
have whispered in my writer’s ear.

How could the scribbles from my mind
inspire reactions of this kind?

Could it be my thoughts have power
to move people; make love flower?

There’s just one test I think. I know!
to keep on writing down the flow…..

Just A Baby Monster

May 13, 2013

Monster Kitty was absolutely the most
adorable little thing ever!

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Monster Kitty told me the story this way…
“Da Mousey was diiiiisss biiiigggg!”

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“But I was fast and I gived him a right….”

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“then I gived him a left like dis….”

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“den I made a big ROAR like dis and scaret
dat Mousey away!”

Monster Kitty,
who’s quite witty,
grew up far
outside the city.

Chasing dust motes,
shedding out coats,
shredding scarves,
sleeping in totes.

Mousely terror,
haughty bearer
of sharp claws.
No collar wearer.

A feline talker,
now a stalker,
through the night
a ghostly walker.

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Failing Dog

My dog loves me well,

this even strangers can tell.

but she is not well.

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Dog Healer

God made dogs so kind

’cause people have broken minds;

their souls dogs will find.

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Dog Love

Love shines from dogs’ eyes

while family ignores them.

And hearts are hungry.

date-blog

This is dedicated to Doug.
 You’re right. Words have power.
Once spoken they resonate forever.
No matter what the future brings, you will always be a part of me. 

 I Love You

“I love you.”

The words are difficult to speak at first.
Three small words.

The meaning varies so much
from person to person,
from situation to situation.

“I love you.”

The words rarely mean the same thing to one
as they do to another.
They change, forever, the temper of a relationship.

They bare my soul and give you power….
power to accept or to refuse,
power to bring great joy, or great pain.

They present my open heart to you,
show my trust and faith in the possible,
ask for the possibility of trust and faith in return.

They offer my willingness to share intimacy,
physical, spiritual, and mental;
my innermost thoughts and beliefs,
desires, pains, memories, joys and triumphs.

They speak of my loneliness,
my selfish need to feel cherished,
my need to be allowed to protect and hold sacred
the heart I see in you.

They beg the questions:

“May I share your dreams?”
“Would you consider building a future with me?”
“Is there an empty place in your life and heart
that has been waiting for my life and heart,
as mine waits for yours?”

With these three small words
come small sharp shards of fear….
fear of rejection,
fear of disinterest,
fear that a heart that has never had love returned,
a heart so deprived,
may never trust,
never accept,
never open.

Still, I take this step forward to you.

I reveal my soul, my heart.
I oil the rusted bars and throw open the fortress door.
I give you the key with these three words:

“I love you.”

IMG_2236

Trust a Dove
‘Tis a long sad tale I’m here to tell
of five lost years in the depths of hell.
Many friends, who knew me well,
know of events that wove the spell
and locked me in a self-made cell
through five long years of dark unwell.

The gate, locked tight through all those years,
was covered with rust of lost hopes and fears.
Emotions were draped in thin veneers
while wistful fingers held souvenirs;
memories of smiles from long past years.
My eyes often leaked scalding tears.

But years flow past and all the while
in a labeled box there grows a file
of every step taken, each memoried mile,
all carefully stacked, labeled and filed.
While I walked backwards across dark isle,
My life has morphed to a brand new style.

For long years past, blow by blow,
romance came in books starring handsome beau,
who lived on a hill in a quaint chateaux
with a deep dark past and an evil foe.
All desire I gave up, I’d rather not know
the feel inside of a heart all aglow.

But in through my cloud, all dusty with soot
came a dove for my heart and away it flew.
No, I wasn’t worried because I knew
that my heart was shriveled, dried through and through.
So the bird took my heart but I could make do
’cause who needs a heart with a blind point of view.

More months passed and a knight did I meet,
emotionally tired from recent defeat,
when down swooped that bird, dropped my heart at his feet!
I expected to see a hasty retreat,
instead, our eyes met, my heart started to beat.
He bent down for a kiss, thank you God, life is sweet.

Those of you who have read parts of this blog other than the Poetry page know a bit about my history.

For the poetry buffs, here is a brief synopsis:

About 5 years ago I lost my husband of 32 years after a two year battle with cancer. Since that time I have been emotionally adrift. The fires of my creativity have been banked so low that I don’t even remember much of the time between then and now. I know I started this blog because I read it and recall the events, though I wonder how I wrote those words when I could barely think. I guess there must have been moments of lucidity.

A little over six months ago I met someone who reached out a hand to me and showed me the way back to solid ground.

This is dedicated to one who has come to mean more to me than I ever thought was possible.

sunrise

My Love, My Friend,
please read this with an open mind.
I am not trying to influence you,
only struggling to put my feelings into words.

From The Abyss
 For many years,
through many tears
I found trust.

I remember the feeling.
Absolute trust.

Trust that love was strong,
would survive anything,
that life was laid out and
would always be good,
that there was a place for me
a sanctuary where I was safe
from curves the world could throw.

Then, my world shattered.
One piece at a time,
over the course of years,
until the sky fell down
and the ground gave way.

I fell into a dark and bottomless pit
–floating–
unable to find solid ground
–lightless–
severed and directionless,
wrapped in a numbing cocoon.
By choice unaware.

But in the darkness I felt a touch.
A hand reached out,
warm fingers stroked my cheek,
reminders that life continues
outside the abyss.

Gentle guidance led me
to solid footing and a ray of light.

At first, the light was too bright,
I had no strength to stand,
but time passed, my eyes adjusted,
my strength returned.

Like a phoenix I am rising
from ashes of the past
to a new beginning.

But,
without that touch,
that hand,
that light

…..

would I have drifted
forever
beyond reach?

VickieCollage4

Camera’s Eye
They say the camera doesn’t lie.
“You look so tired these days.”

What you see is what you get.
“Did you put on some weight?”

My view of a photo of me
“What makes you think you’re pretty?”

comes through skewed filters
“You’re nothing special, you know!”

consisting of voices from the past,
“Do you really think you look good?”

Hopefully, your eyes see me through
a filter of friendship and love

Real Beauty Sketches is an amazing video and it is proof positive that most of us have no idea how beautiful and special we are.

As I watched it I wondered how many unthinking comments I have made about the appearance of another. How have my words shaped the filter through which another views himself/herself? I sincerely hope that the balance is on the positive side.

Self Perception
Self perception is a strange thing.
It is a camera’s eye through which we see the world;
filtered by a lens of accumulated experiences
and the comments of others we love and respect.

Why do we only hear and remember the negative?
I wonder if we surprised each other by commenting on the beauty we see,
I wonder if this could change our perception of ourselves,
could change others’ perceptions of themselves.
Would we be more comfortable in our own skins?

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
In my eyes you are beautiful.

DSCF2328
Heaven’s Portal

The green of grass, the blue of sky,
a mother’s touch, a baby’s cry,
my cup flows over, all is good…
In Heaven’s portal I have stood.

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